Smile...
Somehow i have stopped smiling.Like innumerables in Bangalore today i have simply stopped feeling.Like the ad goes if you were to describe yourself in a song,what would you use? I would say -Numb.Where are my days of endless chats with friends,where is the feeling of adrenaline rush at the prospect of something new, where z the excitement of tomorrow?Like David Brooks wrote in the NYT, i really feel my generation has been stuck in the odyssey age.The age where you are confused, try out double careers,where stability is seen as a comfort zone (and scoffed @)and the urge to move in and out of things happen more and more.And to add to David's perception where people have just simply stopped deriving happiness from simple pleasures.
Today is a sunday afternoon.When my mom recounts her days of youth on a sunday afternoon it almost has a surreal feeling today.Lying back in your bed,the Phillips record player playing Rhinestone Cowboy in the background and staring at the ceiling or endless discussions and arguments about almost everything under the sun with her siblings.I hardly see my sister.We hardly talk to each other.Its once in a year that i meet her.I miss what we used to share once.I miss those unaffected big laughs,never never ending chats.Are the bonds weakening?
Is all this worth for what i am pursuing?? Now all i think about is myself.My career.What i need to do next?I need to do better than the person next to me.I need to achieve standards.I set targets for myself and dream and strive to achieve those.Is that so bad?Why do i have to give up all i love for that?Why cant i have the best of both worlds?Why do mum and dad have to be away from me?Cant i have it all?
But today i am at that point where i cant give up my dreams.I just cant go back.But the heartache lingers that in the pursuit of dreams i am leaving behind so much..I wish i could have it all.

~Lara,the dreamer.