Green is my new blue..
I sometimes wonder how often do we change ? How often do we crave a change in wat we desire ? How often do we like our life to pick up a different pace ? I guess quite often.Only till a year back i would blindly say blue is my favorite color.And today anything that is green catches my eye.Its only a small thing.Maybe we don't even notice that things are changing within us and around us and actually tat newness is what we are always looking for.I sometimes think that the person I was may not have been the person I am now.I don't feel like the person I was 10 yrs back.People call it growing up.I almost feel like another person , another life whose memories I share.i have changed.Some for the good and some maybe not for so much good.Life becomes complex as the thought processes multithread and take various manifestations.But one thing I have realised : my kick for life remains in the change it brings.If life had remained the same for the last ten years I don't know what I would have done.I honestly do not.Life has been so far so good.And the best part has come from my friends .The frens I had made in the lifetime of the person I feel I don't identify with anymore.But these friends make me feel that whoever she was , was at the right place , right time doing the right kind of thing.I always say I am blessed for the friends I have.This weekend I had the most amazing weekend with Praba.We did not do anything crazy , we did not go wild but the fact that we could talk like school girls sharing excitement about life and tit bits which make us girls :) was so heavenly.Maybe my life right now is not the perfect life but like I always say I am miserably happy...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
As I sit contemplating...
As I sit contemplating in my spare time I realise I have managed to rub many people the wrong way recently.Blame it on stress , blame it on the quick temper gene , blame it on the wrong words at the wrong moment ; yes I have had quite a brush with quite a few people too recently.Then I read somebody's words somewhere : There is only so much time to be alive but plenty of time to be dead. So live every day like it is your last !!!!
If I were to die tomorrow I would be not free of few guilt pangs.And there would be no turning back.I might have seemed arrogant to many a people for few of the things I did.When I sit and reflected over a cup of coffee , I didn't like what I saw and what I had done.I sit up.I make up my mind.I need to make amends.I make a list of people I need to say sorry to.Its hard.I know some will perhaps not even care to reply me back.I know because I have done that in the past.But all I care and know is that convey your words without expecting immediate and certain retribution.That's the beauty of saying a genuine sorry.
I take my pen and paper.I am a person with pride.My vices are my ego , my stance in life (which I mostly thing is right and don't change much ; I can be quite egg-headed at times.. ) and many more which do not come to my mind immediately.Vices of my own device which I can't kill with a steely knife.I still have my pen and paper in hand.Good start.
I make up my mind for sure.Yes I am going to swallow that lump of pride and say Sorry.Now I know why sorry is the hardest word to say.I might be everything you think I am but I can't live with the guilt of doing something wrong and just be indifferent.I am going to say Sorry.And with every kill of the keyboard jabs , I wrote a few lines to the ones I felt I owed it to.
Always believed that few is more.And that's what I did.And trust me I haven't felt so good in a long long time.I don't expect any 'Its ok'..'its fine' in return.But I feel good from inside.Maybe even the trials of life has not yet brought down the 'humane' in me...I hope so much I am right this time..
~A, Its ok to be human, to err and say sorry...
As I sit contemplating in my spare time I realise I have managed to rub many people the wrong way recently.Blame it on stress , blame it on the quick temper gene , blame it on the wrong words at the wrong moment ; yes I have had quite a brush with quite a few people too recently.Then I read somebody's words somewhere : There is only so much time to be alive but plenty of time to be dead. So live every day like it is your last !!!!
If I were to die tomorrow I would be not free of few guilt pangs.And there would be no turning back.I might have seemed arrogant to many a people for few of the things I did.When I sit and reflected over a cup of coffee , I didn't like what I saw and what I had done.I sit up.I make up my mind.I need to make amends.I make a list of people I need to say sorry to.Its hard.I know some will perhaps not even care to reply me back.I know because I have done that in the past.But all I care and know is that convey your words without expecting immediate and certain retribution.That's the beauty of saying a genuine sorry.
I take my pen and paper.I am a person with pride.My vices are my ego , my stance in life (which I mostly thing is right and don't change much ; I can be quite egg-headed at times.. ) and many more which do not come to my mind immediately.Vices of my own device which I can't kill with a steely knife.I still have my pen and paper in hand.Good start.
I make up my mind for sure.Yes I am going to swallow that lump of pride and say Sorry.Now I know why sorry is the hardest word to say.I might be everything you think I am but I can't live with the guilt of doing something wrong and just be indifferent.I am going to say Sorry.And with every kill of the keyboard jabs , I wrote a few lines to the ones I felt I owed it to.
Always believed that few is more.And that's what I did.And trust me I haven't felt so good in a long long time.I don't expect any 'Its ok'..'its fine' in return.But I feel good from inside.Maybe even the trials of life has not yet brought down the 'humane' in me...I hope so much I am right this time..
~A, Its ok to be human, to err and say sorry...
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
5 feet 0 inches
I have to do the inevitable.I knew I had to get married.I could not run away from it.It is not that I run away from being with someone.Infact it would be the perfect world where you end up happily ever after (if there is any) with your soulmate.Soulmate?To explore that territory let's begin with where it all begins.Love.Oh ! The very very simple word yet the toughest to describe, the hardest to find and easy to mistake its mirage for reality.We yearn for it and we leave nothing unturned to find it.People have different perceptions about it.Some have gone ahead and said there is nothing called love.It is just a hormonal reaction ! Well even if I have nothing glorious to brag and even though I am a rational skpetic yet I can't just put love down to that.Just can't yet.Yes to carry off what I started with.I feel love (atleast for rational beings) is the search for 'the' soulmate.True we sometimes cross our path with the wrong ones mistaking them for what we are looking for and end up burning our fingers and a little more cynical , a little more skeptical and a little more (hopefully) grown up.But that urge to find one's soulmate remains.The soulmate who lets you be.The soulmate who mirrors your ideas and philosophies.The soulmate who you know you can be honest with without a thought , the soulmate who values your integrity even when you might end up being a loser in the eyes of the world.Aren't we all looking for that someone who would be on our team ?This was me about five years ago.And here I am five years later.I am weary.Was I living in some parallel world ?I never did find my soulmate and he doesn't seem anywhere near my horizon either.My parents have given me enough time .I have lived my own life on my own terms till now.Now probably I would have to give in.So comes the propositions.Questions popped.How old is she ? Is she fair ? Is she good looking ? Next comes the golden question.How tall is she ?5 feet 0 inches.And the rejections are apparent in their faces.Well all i think is Hah! Hah! Hah!Hah!I have had god knows how many years of education, topped exams ,won debates, recitations,writing contests,travelled across the globe,met people from different walks and different countries.I have faced the toughest situations with grit and determination.I have stood my ground against the wrong.I have tread the unknown treks.But here I am.All I am is a mere 5 feet nothing.You just put me in my place, din't you? But you know what my answer is : Just watch my middle finger !
~A,love being who I am
I have to do the inevitable.I knew I had to get married.I could not run away from it.It is not that I run away from being with someone.Infact it would be the perfect world where you end up happily ever after (if there is any) with your soulmate.Soulmate?To explore that territory let's begin with where it all begins.Love.Oh ! The very very simple word yet the toughest to describe, the hardest to find and easy to mistake its mirage for reality.We yearn for it and we leave nothing unturned to find it.People have different perceptions about it.Some have gone ahead and said there is nothing called love.It is just a hormonal reaction ! Well even if I have nothing glorious to brag and even though I am a rational skpetic yet I can't just put love down to that.Just can't yet.Yes to carry off what I started with.I feel love (atleast for rational beings) is the search for 'the' soulmate.True we sometimes cross our path with the wrong ones mistaking them for what we are looking for and end up burning our fingers and a little more cynical , a little more skeptical and a little more (hopefully) grown up.But that urge to find one's soulmate remains.The soulmate who lets you be.The soulmate who mirrors your ideas and philosophies.The soulmate who you know you can be honest with without a thought , the soulmate who values your integrity even when you might end up being a loser in the eyes of the world.Aren't we all looking for that someone who would be on our team ?This was me about five years ago.And here I am five years later.I am weary.Was I living in some parallel world ?I never did find my soulmate and he doesn't seem anywhere near my horizon either.My parents have given me enough time .I have lived my own life on my own terms till now.Now probably I would have to give in.So comes the propositions.Questions popped.How old is she ? Is she fair ? Is she good looking ? Next comes the golden question.How tall is she ?5 feet 0 inches.And the rejections are apparent in their faces.Well all i think is Hah! Hah! Hah!Hah!I have had god knows how many years of education, topped exams ,won debates, recitations,writing contests,travelled across the globe,met people from different walks and different countries.I have faced the toughest situations with grit and determination.I have stood my ground against the wrong.I have tread the unknown treks.But here I am.All I am is a mere 5 feet nothing.You just put me in my place, din't you? But you know what my answer is : Just watch my middle finger !
~A,love being who I am
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